Spring has Sprung

Spring came this week. Glorious entrance. Calvin's test seem to be going well. My work has been calming down a bit ever since my business trip last week. Time to get into high-gear! We have so much work to do ...

Still figuring exactly what we want to include in our profile and our classified ad. Still working on the name change. Should be legal in another couple of weeks.

Reading the NY mag cover story this week on "Grups". Glad I got rid of my messenger bag years ago but, overall, interesting take on this fairly new phenomenon. I don't wear converse sneakers or rock t-shirts, listen to Interpol or the Hives so I guess I'm not a grup. I do enjoy wearing a nice blazer and slick dress shoes with jeans, listen to Spoon, Rufus Wainwright, Keane, old soul music and lots of other stuff that I'm sure I'll play for my child one day ... I don't really care too much about what's in or what's cool. I'm horrified to hear people spending more than $100 on a pair of jeans. Now, that's just sad.

I think the heart of the story is more about what is cool for 30+ parents and what does it say about us if we impress what we think is cool onto our chilren. Really depends on the parent.

so glad you asked

my favorite music to listen to while i go running? green day: american idiot

my favorite music to dance to? marvin gaye or early michael jackson

my favorite tv show? the daily show and seconds from disaster ... of course it was project runway but now that's, sadly, over for now

my favorite relatively-new band? keane and the bravery

my favorite "oldie" right now? depeche mode: I just can't get enough. Was my favorite song when I was a youngin' ... again this is michael writing because calvin is too busy studying kidneys and such. thankfully, his spring break is just a month away (!!!!).

this just in ... calvin's favorite music to listen to while running: the bravery, some latin song called torerro and some remix of a song by the gossip with le tigre ...

name changes and conference calls

we're changing our last names. we just went to civil court last week to turn in the paperwork, expecting to submit two separate applications. lo and behold, new york city recognizes us as FAMILY.

Allow me to say that again, because it still surprises me. NYC recognizes the two of us as family members, for this purpose anyway. Instead of 2, we only had to submit one application (and only had to pay one $65.00 fee) with both of our names on it because we registered to be domestic partners over 4 years ago. Small recognition, I know - but profound nonetheless. A tiny glimmer of hope.

So we go back to court to face a judge in a few weeks. There, we will officially state why we are changing our last names. One reason, really: We both want to share the same last name as our future child. This will help us logistically (while traveling/filling out paperwork/parent teacher meetings) but also will be an undeniable gesture of our commitment - to each other and to our new family.

people's reactions to this are pretty much all over the map. some think it a little strange - that we are in our early to mid 30s and changing our last names is a bit unconventional. most folks are very supportive but still fascinated with such a big change.

we chose an old family name, rich with intricate history and sentimentality. i guess things like this are just completely subjective. it makes perfect sense to us. neither of us are deeply attached (emotionally or otherwise) to our current last names.

our recent conference call with our wonderfully knowledgable adoption attorney went very well. we're learning all about the next steps: acquiring a 1-800 phone number and developing a budget for advertising - both online and classified ads. we're working hard on our "brochure" which is basically a little lifestory of each of us - individually and as a couple. This, when finished, we will send out to expectant parents who are considering an adoption plan for their baby.

However, the initial connection is usually made when the birthparent(s) see our 1-800# in an ad in the back of a newspaper or at a medical clinic, or an online posting, through word-of-mouth, on a local community bulletin board, or they could just email us from this blog. Who knows. I'm a little nervous about handling the calls but at the same time I'm excited and looking forward to them.

Help us spread the word if you can! We hope to be certified by NY state to be adoptive parents within the next month or two ...

Daniel Vosovic

I met him last night at a benefit party and talked his ear off a little bit. I have to say - what a sweet, warm and all-around great guy. Kara was there too. They both were fun and very friendly and seemed to be truly enjoying the "Project Runway" spotlight. I'm glad for them.

I toasted 'Mazel Tov' for Kara who just recently got engaged. It was a refreshingly unpredictable night, typical of New York City. Makes me love living here all the more.

Did you know?

Most folks don't realize that gay people are not allowed to adopt internationally. An expert recently told us the only exception right now is Guatemala. Laws are (hopefully/ideally) always evolving so this may change but we do get the question a lot: are you adopting internationally or domestically?

Well, we are adopting domestically because we are well aware of the thousands of children born right here in the US who need loving parents and a good home. We would certainly consider Guatemala if we have difficulties adopting here but right now we are planning an open, independent, domestic adoption.

I know, it's crazy! It makes no sense. Romania, Korea, China, Russia - I am sure they all have an unimaginable number of kids who also need homes but the only way I could adopt from one of these places is if I lie and tell the country officials that I am not gay but in fact am a straight, single man. I personally could never do that.

Who would ever believe that anyway? A straight, single man in New York City? Wanting to adopt a child? With a 32 year-old male "roommate"? Who has been a "roommate" for almost 8 years??

In fact, we've also been told that China, Korea and most other countries will not even allow single, straight people to adopt anymore for fear that they are gay people who are lying to them. It's just nuts.

And then there's Florida. Our very own "sunshine" state bans gay adoption. Most Americans don't know that either, I find. Yes, it's ILLEGAL FOR ME TO ADOPT CHILDREN in the state of Florida. How 1860s is that? How Chinese is that?

Of course, our ability to adopt here in our own country is under constant threat every single day. But there are sometimes signs of hope:
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checks and balancing

fingerprint cards - check
medical approvals - check
financial statements - check
lists of former residences - check
lists of education and employment history - check
letters of reference - check
copies of insurance cards, w2 forms & tax returns - check
copies of birth certificates - check
copies of domestic partnership certificate - check
signed and notarized petition - check

now the court has almost everything that they need to grant certification. in 3 weeks or so, it'll also have our homestudy and the submission will be complete. i'm hoping that means we'll be certified around may ... ?

now we are trying to balance work on our networking letter, brochure and classified ads - all the while legally changing our names, so that we all will share the same last name. it's all going very well. time keeps flying by and we keep making strides in the process ...

Honey Cake

Our 2nd and last homestudy was this afternoon and it went really well. Just like last time, I ran across the street to one of my favorite delis and bought this delicious little honey cake so I could have something to offer our social worker. He loved it. We loved it. To make things even more appetizing, Calvin made his popular gaucamole. Threw some blue chips in a bowl ... Anything we can do to make this experience as pleasant as possible.

And good food always helps.

found some more wedding photos (june 04)

calvin, his sister ronda (our wedding minister) and michael, getting the vows started

support group

we joined a new support group last night, focusing on all sorts of issues, fears and concerns about the adoption process. the experience opened my eyes to just how many different paths there are to parenthood. astounding to think of all the energy and work that go into the pursuit, the journey of becoming a parent.

how refreshing to meet other people going through similar experiences but with different circumstances. the whole experience for me feels different now. it's deeper, more serious and sobering.